One of the first lines appearing on the scoreboard at the opening ceremonies of the 1998 Winter Olympics in Nagano, Japan (reported in Time, February 23, 1998):

• Oh, we beseech you. Heave-ho, heave-ho.

From the Cape Argus classified section:

• SLIMING MACHINE hire, fat rolls off, huge loss, works.

From a small-town paper:

• The Mayor reiterated that prostitution would not be allowed to take root. “Something should have been done sooner. Already last year alarm balls were going off.”

A second-language speaker, describing how she lay in bed worrying about intruders:

• I was sure there was something wrong; I could hear all the dogs in the neighborhood barfing.

From Lost in the Translation:

• When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan “finger lickin' good” came out as “eat your fingers off”.

From a Chilean National Parks Board information brochure:

• Lauca National Park is situaded in altiplano and was declarated a Protected Area in 1965. It a National Park Since 1970. We attain it by Rout CH-11 from Arica. The distance between Arica and the park y generally covered in three and a halt hours. Its highness goes from 3,200 to 6,342 over the level of the sea.

From a Cape Town newspaper, in a story about tons of crayfish that had washed up on a local beach:

• Mr Mokaba said: “The locals may help to remove the crayfish, after which they would be packed or reduced to fishmeal.”

From the classified section of a Cape Town newspaper:

• Mature gentleman, distinguished appearance, 7 metres tall, seeks lady 40 – 55 for companionship with view to marriage.

From student and scholar essays:

• The Sarah Dessert is the largest dessert in Africa.
• King Solomon had five hundred wives and five hundred porcupines.
• The Philatelists were a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
• There was a big oak tree outside my bedroom, so my boyfriend could wake me up by throwing unicorns at the window.
• The Greeks invented three kinds of columns – Corinthian, Doric and Ironic.
• The government of Athens was democratic because people took the law into their own hands.
• William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
• Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world in a 100-foot clipper.
• It is about time Table Mountain stands on its own two feet and becomes recognised as a national monument.
• During my time as an athlete, I excelled at the hudles and the 200 mm race.

Teacher's advice to students about their final-year dance:

• It's important to remember that it's not so much what you wear to the dance, but how you pull it off.

Translated from a Japanese natural history book:

• Pandas have highly sensitive shnozzles with which they like to sniff out their food.

From a menu in Cusco, Peru:

• Copa Burble
• Gordon Blue Stik
• Hogdog
• Alligator spears
• Cream of Clog

From a tourist brochure in Chile:

• You will be able to see the famous pink flamencos wading in the middle of the lake.